What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
