i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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