where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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