Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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