Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
