Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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