Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
