Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize