my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
