HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
