she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
