PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
