I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
