so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
