she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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