i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
