Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize