So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
