then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
