Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize