he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
