I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
