Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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