idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
