I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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