why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
