Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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