I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
