I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
