I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
