She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
