He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
