allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
