I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
