This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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