Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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