I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
