Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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