god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
