so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
