I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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