I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
