Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
