u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
