This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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