Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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