Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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