In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
