everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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