I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
