She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
