I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
