and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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