Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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