I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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