She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
