had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
