I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
