Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
