you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
