fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
