Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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