If i come over, it means nothing
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
