WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
