so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
