Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
