I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
