I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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