Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
