about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
