dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
