I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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